little reminders
Tue 19 May: a solitary, Kookaburra, sitting quietly in the early morning mist
I’m Phoebe, and I make sounds that help people settle their nervous systems - sometimes it’s amplified and live looped, sometimes it’s using acoustic instruments. I also love photography and bad jokes. IKSRE stands for I Keep Seeing Rainbows Everywhere 🌈
Seventeen years ago, I said goodbye to my dad. He was just shy of 66 years old. He was far too young to die.
19 May, 2009 was a cold and misty morning. One where a blanket of cloud covered the early hours as we drove to the hospital for our final goodbyes. But as the city awoke, the skies opened up to clear, crystal blues. I still remember the feeling of that sunshine on my numb body.
This Tuesday marked the anniversary of his death and it began with a similar, thick fog, clearing to blue, sunny skies. I wanted to do something to connect with him on this day, so in his honour, I went for a walk to see if I could find some birds.
My dad loved birds. And ever since he died, I’ve seen him in bird form. Specifically, Willie Wagtails.
Not only was his nickname Willie (and surname Wilson) but he was a cheeky, vivacious bird who made himself known, the minute he walked into a room. Just like the Willie Wagtail.
But I didn’t choose this bird for dad - it chose me. And my sisters. All three of us had significant experiences with these gorgeous, little birds. I still do.
So on Tuesday, wandering into Buckley Reserve near my home in Balnarring, the sun beaming through the mist and the forest coming to life, I wandered into a patch of woodland and stood quietly in the sun, eyes closed.
At first, I could mostly hear the traffic on the nearby road but as I waited, the sounds of the natural world began to emerge. Dozens of birds, squawking for attention. A morning symphony, underpinned by a huge flock of yellow tailed black cockatoos in the distance.
And after a while, the familiar chirp of a Willie Wagtail.
Hi Dad.
I had my phone with me, so I hit record as I stood there, totally present
Ahhh, who knows if dad really is a Willie Wagtail bird now. I’d like to think that’s the case but even if it’s not, I think it’s nice that that whenever I see or hear one, it reminds me of him. I pause whatever I’m doing for a moment, and I remember him.
And as far as I’m concerned, that’s a beautiful thing.
xx P